


hard drive

by williamsage42



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Car Accidents, Light Angst, M/M, i honestly don't know what to tag, not much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2019-10-08 04:42:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17379779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/williamsage42/pseuds/williamsage42
Summary: From a prompt I found on tumblr.“Vince gets into a horrible accident that should have killed him - but it turns out he’s actually a robot and only needs a few repairs. It also turns out that he had no idea he wasn’t human.”And nobody else knew either. It’s obviously AU, but just a reminder; it’s AU.





	hard drive

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I got Thilbo to write but I needed a break from it or I was gonna flip so here you are. 
> 
> This had potential to be so much more but I smashed this out and was like, 'cool, done.' So, sorry.
> 
> I'm cackling at the name I picked ugh. Robots and car crashes?
> 
> Please be gentle with my insecure self; I know this isn't very good.

They were driving when the ninja knocked rapidly on the window. As Howard focused on the road, Vince rolled down his own window and took the magazine from the delivery ninja, opening up the first page.

 

“Oh no, this is terrible,” Vince said.

 

Howard, used to this and aware it probably wasn’t anything serious, didn’t move his eyes from the road as he asked, “What?” He wasn’t _really_ interested, but Vince’s previous statement clearly showed he wanted Howard to ask him, and it was polite anyway.

 

“Jumpers are out,” Vince said. “I have to get this off _right now,_ before someone sees me.”

 

“Before someone sees you? We’re on a road in the middle of nowhere!” Howard reasoned.

 

But Vince was already unclipping his seatbelt.

 

“Put that back on, you twerp,” Howard said.

 

Vince pulled the jumper over his head and was working it off. Howard was distracted by the sight of the younger man pulling off his (frankly ridiculous anyway) oversized, red fluffy jumper, to reveal the tight shirt underneath.

 

He was snapped out of it when he heard the screech of tyres and looked back to the road. It was empty except for one other car, heading them straight on. It seemed he’d accidentally drifted into the wrong lane.

 

Panicking, he swerved, but then something happened. He couldn’t tell you what it was, but there was an unusual lurching feeling as the car went tumbling, spinning around and rolling over. His seatbelt locked him into place, and while they scared the hell out of him when they appeared, he was grateful for the quickly inflating airbags.

 

But as the flurry of the crash came to a stop, he realised something that sent a fresh wave of fear through him. Vince hadn’t been wearing his seatbelt. He was afraid to look over to his left, scared of what might be there.

 

Vince was always ok, he had to be. But Howard was frozen, terrified of what he might find if he looked at Vince. Slowly, he brought himself to look. _What if he’s dying,_ a voice in his head said quietly. _What if he needs your help_ now _, but he’s not getting it because you’re too scared to look._

 

So he turned around. He inhaled sharply.

 

Vince was really bashed up. There was a _dent_ in his face. And his arm… was gone.

 

It took a few moments to register that there was something about it that wasn’t human. And then he realised there was no blood.

 

Where Vince’s arm should be, there was no blood. There was no broken bone or mangled flesh. There was _metal._

 

Luckily the car had ended up upright. Howard had a bit of difficulty opening his door, because of the dented metal.

 

He ran around to the other side of the car, and pulled the door open, and caught Vince who tipped sideways out of the now-open door.

 

He pulled Vince off to a patch of grass under a tree on the side of the road. He noticed that Vince wasn’t floppy like an ordinary unconscious person. He was rigid. This was strange.

 

He looked back up to the car, and noticed Vince’s arm there. He decided they probably needed that. He went to get it, taking it back over to where he’d left Vince. The arm was creepy. It looked like a human arm. It was so real. But where it had been severed from Vince, twisting copper wires and a strange metal cording emerged, and it boggled Howard’s mind.

 

Howard noticed that Vince was no longer rigid. He was also breathing. _But if he isn’t… human… why does he need to breathe?_

 

“Howard?” Vince’s voice was disturbingly synthetic. It had a disturbing metallic scrape to it, and he sounded like a… like a…

 

 _Robot,_ Howard’s mind supplied.

 

Vince looked up at Howard, his eyes glowing an electric green, not the usual blue, and his pupils rapidly expanding and contracting.

 

 _I think he’s broken,_ Howard thought, followed by a _yeah, no shit._

 

“What’s happening…” Vince said, but his voice trailed off, getting more distorted as it fell to silence. The glow went from Vince’s eyes. _Everything went_  from Vince’s eyes. The irises went a dull grey and the pupils lost their shine.

 

“Vince?” Howard asked, and jumped back when Vince’s arm sparks.

 

He pulled a flip phone from his pocket. He barely used it and he had to type 999 out three times because his hands were shaking so much.

 

***

 

“Well, where is he now?” Naboo asked.

 

“He’s in the shop, getting repairs done. _Repairs._ God, why didn’t he tell me?” Howard asks desperately.

 

“Maybe he didn’t want to affect the way you saw him?” Naboo suggests.

 

“Yeah…” Howard mutters.

 

***

 

Vince woke up on a table. He looked around, and noticed he was hooked up to something that looked like a battery.

 

“Ah,” he said, jumping back and watching the wires detach themselves from the ones emerging from his arm.

 

 _Wait._ Wires emerging from his arm?

 

A man entered from behind curtains. He looked like a typical mechanic. Stained overalls, goggles, smelling of and covered in motor oil. “Ah, you’ve rebooted. Excellent. You’ve got guests,” the man said.

 

“Reboot- listen, what’re you on about?” Vince asked, but before the man could answer him, Howard burst into the room.

 

“Vince,” he said, taking him into his arms.

 

“Howard, what’s happening?” Vince asked.

 

“You were in an accident, so I took you to be fixed,” Howard answered.

 

“Fixed?” Vince asked. “Where are we?”

 

“The repair shop. Listen, I didn’t-”

 

“The _repair_ shop? Shouldn’t the car be here, not me?” Vince asked.

 

“Listen, Vince. I’m sorry. I don’t know why you didn’t tell me, but it’s ok. I know,” Howard told his friend.

 

“Know what? What kind of a joke is this?” Vince asked.

 

“Vince…”

 

“I’m a person, not some kind of machine,” Vince said.

 

Howard looked confused. “But… you’re a robot,” he said, gesturing to the wires coming from Vince’s wrist.

 

Vince looked down. “No,” he said.

 

“Yeah,” Howard assured him. “I saw, when you broke. Your arm came off. It was all wires and things.”

 

“Looks like he’s defective,” the mechanic said, and reached towards Vince. “I’m going to need to-”

 

“No!” Vince said. “Don’t touch me. I’m going home. Thanks for ‘fixing’ me.”

 

Vince marched quickly out the front and started off walking back home.

 

***

 

“Was anything real?” Vince asked Howard.

 

“What?”

 

“I mean, what I think. What I feel. I don’t have the real thing to compare to, you know? So is any of it real? Am I just a simulator?”

 

“That’s a bit complicated for you, isn’t it?” Howard joked.  

 

“That’s the other thing. If I’m a robot, how come I’m so thick?” Vince asked. “Cause robots are supposed to be well smart, yeah? But I’m such an idiot I didn’t even notice I wasn’t human.”

 

“Vince…” Howard said softly.

 

“No, listen. All of those memories of when I was younger, littler… it’s all fake, isn’t it? None of it’s real.” Vince’s tone of voice sounded conversational, but his facial expression was one of distress.

 

“Well, who d’you think came up with all that,” Howard said.

 

“I dunno. Whoever made me, I guess,” Vince replied.  

 

“I don’t think so. I think you made it up for yourself. I mean, it’s all just such a reflection of your personality. Make up these happy little stories of the past for yourself,” Howard said.

 

“It’s not my personality, is it though? It’s someone else’s. I’m whoever a bunch of zeros and ones tell me to be. Or however it is that my coding works,” Vince said quietly.

 

“What you’re feeling right now feels real, doesn’t it?” Howard asked.

 

“And how would I know?” Vince asked.

 

Howard pressed his forehead against Vince’s, feeling through the silicone of Vince’s skin, the warmth of the electricity going through his system, powering him. Howard felt Vince’s warmth breath, the process Howard now knew helped regulate the temperature of Vince’s inner mechanisms. And he didn’t care what Vince was, because that didn’t matter. As long as he was here.

 

“You tell me,” Howard said.

 


End file.
